Puberty and Perimenopause: What They Have in Common and Why It Matters

In this episode, we're looking at two of the most significant transitions in a woman's life and what happens when they show up in the same house at the same time.

We explore why Chinese medicine has always understood puberty and perimenopause as part of the same arc, what these thresholds actually do to the body, and why the patterns that surface at a gate matter more than most people realize.

In This Episode:

• Why puberty and perimenopause are more similar than they appear
• What Chinese medicine means by a "gate" and why gates are not problems to solve
• Why gates amplify patterns and what that means for healing
• What it looks like when two generations are at a threshold at the same time.
• Why your attention at a gate shapes what comes through it

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Tao of Humaning. I'm your host, Dr. Christine, and I'm so thrilled that you've decided to join me for today's conversation. Today we're going to be talking about puberty and perimenopause, and we're going to be looking at the ways in which they are common and why that matters. So I think you might be thinking to yourself, okay, Dr. Christine, we already know that puberty and perimenopause are big hormonal shifts, and they have a lot of physiological changes and emotional ups and downs. Like we already got it. What do we have to talk about? Well, that's a great question. Traditional Chinese medicine looks at these life stages a little bit differently. And I think it's a valuable conversation and one that I would love to see talked about more. So I was actually hanging out with a couple of friends, and this conversation came up of a lot of us are in the stage of perimenopause, and so we're navigating, you know, the shifts, shifts, and changes that occur with that. And we also have kids who are either just about to enter into this puberty shift, or they're already in that transition. And that is a lot of change and transformation happening under one roof. So I think a lot of us were talking about how, you know, similar the feelings can be, and just that, you know, sense of feeling a little bit um unsettled, or things feeling a little bit not normal in our bodies, or our reactions are a little bit different to things than they were before. Um, and we were talking about how interesting it is to watch our children also, you know, starting to navigate these different things as well, right? I actually um refer to this transition as mommy puberty, and I really enjoy that uh language, partially because it immediately gives, you know, without getting into a lot of detail, it immediately gives a sense of context and it gives a sense of similarity. And, you know, there's just an understanding of like, oh, okay, like mommy's also mom's also going through something that feels a little awkward or new, or you know, I'll I mentioned the other day that I noticed that I felt a little bit more emotionally charged about something that I normally wouldn't. And I was like, oh, I wonder if that has to do with mommy puberty or just planting these seeds, right? Of like, oh, it's you know, it's normal to feel a little bit off and to notice and to be curious about what that might be. Okay. Um, so part of this was, you know, just a very relevant time to be talking about. There's also a lot of conversation right now about perimenopause out in the world, and I love to see that. And I think traditional Chinese medicine has some really interesting thousands of year-old, you know, ways of looking at this that are really beneficial. And we're gonna spend um next week talking specifically about the changes in perimenopause and menopause. So be sure to subscribe so that you can catch that when it drops. And um, this week I wanted to lay the foundation for us of you know, how we can look at these things in maybe a more beneficial way as a whole, and also to look at like why would it matter, you know, like why like so what? Like we have this different way of looking at it, but like what do we do with that, right? So for traditional Chinese medicine, when we look at puberty and perimenopause, we're looking at them as gates of life, they're called. There are other gates of life, but I like these two, I like looking at these two together because they both encompass, you know, kind of this broader range of time. And, you know, it's not like something where you're going and you're walking up to this gate and you're walking through the gate and then you're on the other side, right? These are transitions and you know, times of reorganization in our lives that take several years, right, to really get through to the threshold to the other side. So gates. So we look at moving from one distinct place to another, right? And when we're looking at uh moving through these particular thresholds, the gates of life in Chinese medicine are really looking at shifts in identity. And there are also these amazing opportunities. So the way that this works is that when we go through these gates and we're in these thresholds, things become destabilized, and things will, you know, like you're walking up, you're in kind of what's comfortable and known, and then that gets like shaken up and destabilized, and it it doesn't come right back together, right? This is not a transition that is fast. This is a slow, slow transition, and it's one of those times where if there's not intentionality brought to it, it's really easy to just kind of feel like you got a muscle through it, and then the change will happen. And it on one hand, that's true, because you know, we're gonna go through puberty and we're gonna go through perimenopause. Like we could go through it kicking and screaming, or we could go through it um with kicking and screaming and maybe some intentionality and some planning, or you know, there's there's combinations and different ways of doing this, but in traditional Chinese medicine, this destabilization is necessary, and it is like being forged in a fire, in that sense, that there is a creation of a new identity or new version of ourselves on the other side, and during that destabilization period, uh what happens is that patterns that we've had up until that time are brought to the surface. And, you know, this could be physically, energetically, emotionally, spiritually, even if there are things that have been, you know, things that we didn't necessarily want to look at, um, those things will be brought to the surface if they're needed in order to have that transformation come over to the other side. Is this making sense? So it's like it reveals it's a very revealing time. And in traditional Chinese medicine, it's a really incredible opportunity. And I think that's maybe the word that I want to highlight for us today is this opportunity. So if we have a particular habit or way of being, when we enter into the life gate of puberty or perimenopause, and we would like to shift that about ourselves, it is an incredible time to do that because our everything is destabilized anyway. So implementing, noticing and then implementing changes in those patterns can really help to guide how those things become restabilized on the other side of that gate. This making sense. And again, as we go through perimenopause, we get to do it again. What happens if the other side of that is what happens if we don't address these things intentionally, if we have patterns that we don't necessarily love or enjoy, when we go through that life gate to the other side, those patterns can become more um comfortable, more ingrained in the tissues for that next phase of life. So it really is, I always look at it as this incredible window of opportunity these years to look at, you know, how is it that we're showing up, what aspects of our life are really going well? I think that's a great practice just in life is to look for what's going well. Um, part of our brains are wired, you know, to protect us from risk and stuff. So we're going to look for what's dangerous, right, as humans. Um, but looking for what's going really well. And then what are the things that we would like to shift or change? There's a lot of support in those times, even though when we think of it on the surface, it can feel like kind of a chaotic time. It feels chaotic because things are loosening. And it's in that loosening that we get to choose, if we want to, how we fill up that space again. And so having, you know, children and a mom or a child and a mom in the same house going through these very similar windows of opportunity is um it can be a lot of fun. And so you can bring a different kind of noticing to this. And the gift of all of this is like, A, like we can support ourselves better as we go through this, and we're gonna have more, more and more conversations about what that could actually look like in like our real lives. And we also can support our kids in being able to understand what's happening for them, for really every human. That's like the first really big transition that they're very aware of, right? Like when we're babies and toddlers, we're going through rapid development and change, but we don't necessarily have this awareness and kind of identity wrapped around in it, right? We're just kind of going with it. Benefits to that too. Um, but for puberty, you know, there's so many dynamics with friends and emotions and body and like just feeling different than we did before, right? That we can start to have these conversations with our kiddos in a way that they can relate to a little bit easier, and that makes it feel like not as scary and not as um, you know, it's not like, oh, if you don't correct this pattern, it's gonna be this way for the rest of your life. Like dun dun dun. That's not my intention for this kind of thing. But letting them know that like these are really not random, like it doesn't mean that they're falling apart, right? It means that literally different aspects of their brains are growing, our brains, same in perimenopause, or growing in a way that they haven't done before. And so, of course, it feels a little unsettling and a little bit new, but the more that we can support ourselves and our kids in feeling comfortable in that unknown and being able to connect and to ground into okay, what is it that we're really wanting to focus on right now? And what do I need for supports? Those are amazing, amazing life skills that I wish that I had growing up, right? I I think most of us probably went through puberty, you know, just like riding the waves and muscling through, right? It's just like this is the way it is, without this bigger understanding. I think this would be a lot more of a relaxing way to do it. And the things that so sometimes in the clinic I'll see kids have particular patterns, um, and they can fall into categories of five element things too. I don't want to get too sidetracked here. Um but say a child has a tendency to asthma and allergies, right, throughout their elementary school days. When they get into middle school and they start approaching that puberty window, there's incredibly extra resources available to be able to support them in healing those patterns and those tendencies. And I've seen that in clinic, and it's actually really incredible. Um also because the child gets to see that, you know, some things that we experience in life that are challenging don't necessarily mean that they're going to be challenging forever, right? And that's also really powerful for kids to learn and for us as adults to remember. But there are these kind of high-leverage moments in life, is what I would call them. And the way that we, you know, so why this matters, why I wanted to have this conversation today, is because we can, as the adults, start to look at, okay, what are the patterns? And traditional Chinese medicine does this so beautifully. If there is someone near you who you can see to help you understand your patterns, please go see them. If you're local here in Orange County, come see me. Come find another practitioner. There's lots of us out there. Um, but having someone be able to help you understand what your patterns are can really be beneficial so that you can be efficient and mindful in your choices so that you're you understand like where you're more likely to fall out of balance and where you're also really great at shining. And the way that we could do this, simply for today, like why this matters, right? So let's have some action steps before we finish our conversation here. Looking at areas of your well-being. So an easy way to break them down is to look at your sleep. So, what is our sleep hygiene, you know, our practices before we go to sleep? Um, how well are we falling asleep, staying asleep? Are we waking feeling rested and ready to go? Are we a little more slow to start in the morning? Those can be areas that we can see change fairly quickly. Um, another one is looking at our digest, our like digestion and appetite. So, you know, do we have a healthy appetite? Are we not finding ourselves very hungry? Um, there are different ways you can look at just how you're fueling your body. Like, what are your habits? I guess is kind of what I would look at around a lot of these areas. So sleep habits, digestion, and eating habits, right? Like, are you having a bowel movement every day? Is your kid having a bowel movement every day? Ask them. We talk about poop all the time in my house. Um, but understanding like what is happening now can help to guide through this transition in a way that is a little bit easier to navigate. So sleep and digestion are two big ones. And then I would also look at energy levels, and I would keep it maybe general to start and looking at energy levels throughout the day. Are the energy levels really high in the morning? Do they get the afternoon slump? Like how, you know, what is happening with the energy throughout the day? And then finding out what are the supports? And it doesn't have to be acupuncture or Chinese medicine related. It can be, I think they're wonderful. And they're certainly not the only ones. So finding supports that work for you, right? Like maybe meal planning and portioning out food works really well for you and your family, right? This is something you could do with your kiddo, right? And having them start to look at their own habits around these things, and what is it that's going to be supportive? That makes sense. I think it's such an important reframe of like, oh, you could also look at emotions. So if we're tending to fall out of balance in a one particular emotion or another, um, and what is it that helps that move through the body so that it doesn't get stuck? And I think that's one thing with the emotionalness of puberty and perimenopause because there are such dynamic hormonal shifts. I think number one, making sure that we and our children understand that that's normal. There's nothing wrong with having those changes. Um, and then also understanding what is it that's gonna help them move those emotions like through the body versus feeling like they just keep getting stuck. A lot of times exercise or movement, qigong, breath work, those kinds of things are gonna be really useful in the toolbox um for all of us. But these are things that we can look at, you know, big picture is these are important really milestones, but they're interesting milestones because they're they're long. They're not like it's not like you enter it one day and you're like, here I go. I'm going through the perimenopause gate, right? It doesn't really start like that. Most people are like, is this perimenopause? Is this not perimenopause? I don't know. And eventually it's like, okay, yeah, this is definitely happening. And then, you know, with menopause, it is interesting too, because there is sort of this timeline of, you know, 12 months without any menstrual cycle, and then that's your, you know, kind of milestone. But really, you've been through this whole threshold for however many years as your body was kind of prepping and getting ready for that holding that new space, right? But they're interesting because they're longer. And I think having this, you know, reframe of the significance of them, like when we make healthy, supportive decisions for our physical body, our emotional selves, our energy, our spirits, when we're in puberty, that makes for an incredibly healthy, vibrant young adulthood. Incredibly. Resilience, like all the things as a mom we want for our kids, right? All those things get set up during this time in puberty, when everything feels chaotic and discombobulated, right? That's when kind of the magic is happening to set the foundation for later. Same idea in perimenopause. That is our window of time. It's a little bit more complicated with that one. We'll talk about next week because our birthing years also play into the menopausal transition, too. So it's a it is a little bit more complex because we've had more life, you know, leading up to that gate. Does that make sense? Same big picture idea for today, though. It is a window of opportunity, and the changes and transformations that we choose during that time really set us up for vitality and incredible health and resilience and all of those things for that, you know, our wisdom years, right? They are so similar, and it is really actually a cool thing, I think, to go through it together. I don't know if that's your experience. I would love to hear in the comments because I remember being pregnant with my son, and I was thinking, oh gosh, like I am 36. That means, you know, when I'm going through perimenopause, he's going to be going through puberty. Like we I knew when I was pregnant that we were going to overlap in this window. And at the time I remember thinking my first thought was, oh, that's going to be so intense. Like I hope, I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking. Like, I hope we'll be ready or something. But then I was able, I shifted it into like, oh, but these are the gates of life. Like these, this is actually going to be really, I don't know if he'll think it's cool, but I'll know that it's cool. Because I know like what we're actually setting ourselves up for in this next phase of life. So I really wanted to share that with you. If you are um, you know, if you've got kids going through puberty, if you're going through prey menopause, even if they're not lined up together, it's a really amazing reframe of a time that can feel really chaotic and just messy. So embrace the messy and let me know what you think of this interesting idea in the comments. I would love to hear. And then be sure to subscribe so that you get you catch the next week's episode when it drops, and I'll be talking about perimenopause and menopause in Chinese medicine.