Destabilization as a Doorway: How Life’s Transitions Create Opportunities for Healing

In this episode, we’re going deeper into the idea of life’s “gates” and what it really means to move through a time of destabilization. Using postpartum as a tangible example, we explore how moments that feel chaotic or uncomfortable are actually intentional opportunities for transformation and healing. From migraines to mood patterns, we look at what’s possible when you learn to lean into discomfort instead of resisting it.

In This Episode:

• Why destabilization is a necessary part of transformation, not something to avoid
• How postpartum serves as a powerful (and often overlooked) window for healing
• Real examples of physical and emotional patterns that can shift during these transitions
• What it actually looks like to “lean in” to discomfort with intention
• How these same principles apply to puberty, perimenopause, and other life thresholds

Learning to be uncomfortable isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most powerful skills we can develop. When we stop resisting these transitional seasons and instead meet them with intention, we create the conditions for real, lasting change.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Tao of Humaning. I'm your host, Dr. Christine, and I'm so thrilled that you've decided to join me for today's conversation. Today's conversation, we're going to be actually diving a little bit more deeply into the topic that I spoke about last week because a lot of you reached out and you were like, wait, what? Which is great. I love that. Please do more messaging and commenting and things. It's really a lot of fun for me to share, you know, all of these things that are part of my world. And uh I love seeing that it's interesting to you. So last week we talked about puberty and perimenopause and this idea that they actually have a lot more in common than simply being these times of big hormonal shifts and emotional kind of chaos or whatever. Um, and that they are in traditional Chinese medicine seen as these gates. And in those gates, there's a lot of potential for healing. And that's where a lot of you were like, tell me more about this. And I think it's really worth a a bigger conversation because it is one of my favorite things about the medicine that I practice and the changes and the healing that I've seen in the clinic. So I was thinking actually that pregnancy and postpartum might be a really tangible experience for a lot of you. A lot of you are moms who are listening or have friends who have gone through, you know, postpartum, and it's a very destabilizing time in a woman's life, in the sense that, you know, in all the senses, right? If you've gone through that, it's like time doesn't really make sense, like your body is totally different, like your moods are really different, your things that you think about are different. Everything is different, right? It's destabilized, is what we say, in that idea of everything is kind of shaken and um scattered to a certain degree. And that's intentional because it's a moment in our lives that we need to transform, right? There is no, oh, maybe this person's gonna become a mom. It's like, oh no, this is happening, right? Ready or not, here comes the mom identity, right? And we need to be able to be in that time of chaos in order to allow for things to resettle in a new way. And this is exactly the same opportunity that shows up in puberty and perimenopause, or when someone, you know, leaves their childhood home and goes out on their own, or if they're starting a new relationship or losing a real, there's so many moments in life where there are these destabilizations. And when we can see them as an opportunity, they become really powerful because it gives us this moment to be like, whoa, wait, okay, this is a time when I can actually pause and focus in on the work that I want to put in, right? Because it does take effort. That's the kicker. In order to make the most out of these moments, these gates of life, it takes dedicated effort. It takes choice, it takes leaning into being uncomfortable, honestly. And, you know, a lot of times my students and my patients are like look at me a little funny because when they come in and they're sharing about, you know, these big moments that are going on for them, sometimes I will be like, yes, like this is so great. And they're like, but it doesn't feel great. And I'm like, I know, but it's okay. Because it can feel really amazing on the other side of it. And I think that we don't talk about that enough. Like learning how to be comfortable, being uncomfortable is an incredible life skill. And it's one that I wish that everyone could learn how to do with more grace and ease. Myself included, I'm still working on this. I go through big changes and transformations, and sometimes, you know, I've done, I've had this mindset or this worldview for a lot of years, and I s I will consciously lean in. And it doesn't mean that I'm like, yay, the whole time that I'm going through something, and I do recognize that there is value in allowing myself to be uncomfortable. Does that make sense? So many times we get these opportunities presented to us, and our our our first instinct is to be like, oh my god, I don't like it.

unknown 5:24

Right?

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Make it stop. And uh there's a way that we're we're cheating ourselves when we go towards too much towards comfort and too much towards ease, right? It's like I want everyone to feel more grace and ease. I say that a lot. And I do think there is more grace and ease available even in these transitions or transformations, um, these destabilization times, right? And it doesn't mean that it's gonna be comfortable all of the time. I find for myself, even after years of doing this, I can lean in like a champ and I can be uncomfortable and I can know that it I'm gonna come out the other side because I've been through these things before and I've leaned in before and I've seen the growth that's possible, and it's awesome for lack of a better word. Um, and you know, there are still times when I wish that it could be more comfortable or I want it to be a different way. Anyway, I digress a little bit. But using this imagery of postpartum, and what I've seen in clinic and in my students is that when you can allow yourself to be uncomfortable, postpartum is such a great example because it is somewhat forced. There are people who have really remarkably lovely postpartum times, and even within that, there's still a destabilization that's happening and an opportunity to transform different patterns of our health and our mental states and their ways of looking at the world in that time, so that when things kind of settle and come back to be more stable, which they will, we have actually created real and lasting change in the body. So, an example, okay. A woman, um, a couple of women actually in my clinical practice have had a history of migraines and they become pregnant and they, you know, have hormonal migraines and all these things going on, and we're working to make that less and make that more manageable for them. And during that postpartum time, there is this window that shows up. And if you can be uncomfortable and if you can lean into slowing down, being really intentional, making sure that you are well nourished with warm and nutrient-dense foods, making sure that you're communicating the things that you feel in your heart and that need to be communicated, making sure that you are prioritizing how you rest, you know, all of the things, right? We all know the things. When you can take time and do that and put in that effort, I have seen women come out the other side and no longer have migraines as part of their story. It's amazing. And this this is something that they've struggled with for years. I feel like often, I don't feel like I see oftentimes in our culture we talk about pregnancy and postpartum and all of the things that can go sideways and wrong. And I think it really that opportunity in our lives really deserves a different conversation because there's also a lot of things that can really go right. And women can have incredible healings that happen in that time of destabilization. Okay. And I've seen it with digestive issues, I've seen it with headaches, I've seen it with insomnia, I've seen it with patterns of anxiety and depression, I've seen it, I'm trying to think here, what else I've seen, really transform in a postpartum time for positive. Because oftentimes we hear about all of the things that are, you know, change in a not so good way. But there's a lot of things that really go well. Women's cycles, I guess that's probably the biggest one. And a lot of women who have had painful cycles going into a pregnancy in their postpartum time when they take good care of themselves and they practice leaning in and, you know, the forced destabilization, so to speak. Um, when they lean into that, their periods come back and they're not painful anymore. Or they don't have crazy PMS, right? Or depression around their cycle, or all of a sudden ovulation comes back and it's not excruciatingly painful for them. Those are real tangible things that are so normal in my world that I feel I was excited actually to have this conversation because it's it's important to have reminders in our lives about what can go really well. And that's you know, and that doesn't mean the women that I've seen these kinds of transformations in, it doesn't mean that their postpart their pregnancy was easy or their postpartum was easy, maybe. And I often find it's less about the ease and more about actually taking the time and intention to be conscious about how they're cared for and communicating their needs and you know, all of these things that are so important as moms, right? So if we're looking at postpartum as one of those times of destabilization, right? It's more tangible than when I introduced the idea of puberty and perimenopause. Those are also moments in our like times in our lives where we are going through a destabilization. It's less um, it's a it's a longer window of time, usually, right? It's several years, whereas a pregnancy and postpartum time, it's a year-ish, maybe a little bit longer. Um, but this these puberty and perimenopause ones are usually several years in the making, right? So it's I think that's why I wanted to highlight them first because I'm like, hey, look over here. This is a really amazing opportunity to be, you know, creating the life that you know, right now I'm 48 and I'm looking at like, okay, I want to be able to be really mobile and active and traveling in my 70s, right? I want to be able to go with our son and like travel and do cool things. And that's my inspiration, right? And when I look at young people going through puberty, they're also creating their future young adult identity, right? Like, who do they want to be when they come out the other side? And sometimes, you know, you can't necessarily sit down and have these kinds of conversations with them. Sometimes you can. You have to kind of find the right window to do it so that they don't like totally zone out on you. But having these and having these views of what's possible, and as the moms, we can hold that for our children and be that kind of guiding force, force isn't right, guiding light, guiding presence in their lives, right? So that when they feel really destabilized and they feel the chaos of what they're going through, because it is chaotic, right? They're not like wrong in feeling that. When they feel that, we can come in and remind, and we can come in and say, okay, yes. Let's focus on, you know, let's reorient our aim. Let's look to where we want to be going and what's something that we could do in this moment in time, and we can make a dedicated action, a deliberate dedicated action, is what we call that. And that's work, right? And we're teaching them how to put in the work and how to put in the effort and how to lean in when things get hard. And that is an incredible gift to our kiddos, right? Like, I feel like that's one of the top things that I want for my son is to be for him to be able to lean in when things get challenging in his life, right? I mean, God willing, I'm able to be there in my 70s and like hang out with him, whatever his life is doing. And maybe that's not in the cards, right? So, like, what is that legacy piece that we want to leave? And when we have a mom going through perimenopause, right, going through this own fire of transformation, which we're going to talk about in the next episode, um, when we have that happening, and we are part of that transformation is becoming a space holder. And it's a different kind of space holding than a mom does in her younger years. Um, but when we can have that transition and that space holding for the kiddos that are going through puberty and have that kind of guiding presence in their lives, I mean, I don't, I just think that's the most miraculous way of looking at all these things. It just makes so much sense. I was thinking last night actually about all of you know the work that I have been blessed to be able to do and to see in my life. And such a big part of it is really in how we look at things. Like how are we interpreting what's showing up, right? Because it's really easy in a time that's destabilizing to be just upset all the time. Just be like I feel this, I blah blah, right? It takes effort and work to be able to come back to center, right? To remind ourselves when things get chaotic that there is something bigger going on, right? And I actually think postpartum is another time of that. Like puberty is this incredible change in brain physiologically, right? And that plays out emotionally and in our worldviews, right? And then we also do that in perimenopause for sure. There is a restructuring of the brain, and I think that's part of why brain fog happens. So as I'm talking on a podcast, right, I'm also in perimenopause and I am losing words at times and you know, having those like, is that dementia? No, it's not dementia, it's just hormones, right? But it's not just hormones, it's actually my brain restructuring into a new configuration that I have not experienced yet, right? It feels a little weird, and sometimes it can be frustrating to have that, like, oh, like, but I know that word, right? It's just not coming. Um anyway, I digress. But it is funny to me to be doing a podcast where I'm doing a lot of talking and there's a lot of words. I'm also in perimetopause, and sometimes the words are just not there. So, you know, welcome. If you are also feeling this, please leave a comment. Um anyway, I wanted to share some more about that because these opportunities are tangible and real, and being able to remind ourselves and hopefully have a community around us that can also remind us of like, oh, this is bigger than oh, just my mood is off today, right? Like, this is a bigger stretch of things, and especially for the puberty and the perimenopause, right? Those are long years of transformation to be able to emerge on the other side as something or someone as a new identity. Anyway, I wish for all of us to lean in when things are dis destabilized and trust that there is some really amazing things at work. And if this is interesting to you, I would love if you would comment below, send me a message. I see them all. I love them. And if you would subscribe and follow along, that would mean the absolute world to me. Thank you so much.