What Stress Is Trying to Do

In this episode, we’re reframing stress through the lens of Traditional Chinese Medicine, nervous system health, and personal growth. Stress is often talked about as something inherently bad, something to eliminate, avoid, or “fix.” But the reality is more nuanced than that.

Stress is a normal part of being human. We need challenge, activation, movement, and periods of intensity in order to grow, evolve, create, and move forward in our lives. The problem isn’t stress itself. The problem is when stress gets stuck in the body and we lose the ability to move with it, process it, and integrate it.

Through both clinical examples and a Chinese medicine perspective, this episode explores how stress can actually become supportive when we learn to work with it differently. We talk about nervous system activation, stagnation, growth, awareness, and why some of the most transformative periods in our lives are often the most uncomfortable.

This is a conversation about learning to build capacity, strengthen awareness, and relate to stress with more intention instead of fear.

In This Episode:

• Why stress is not inherently “bad”
• The difference between activation and perceived threat
• A nervous system perspective on challenge, movement, and growth
• Why we actually need periods of activation in life
• How stress can support personal and spiritual growth
• The role of discomfort in transformation and change
• Why some of the most meaningful seasons of life are also the hardest
• A Chinese medicine perspective on stagnation and why “stuck” stress matters
• How stress that doesn’t move through the body can contribute to pain and illness
• Clinical examples of how stagnation shows up physically and emotionally
• The importance of awareness and “training the noticing muscle”
• How we can learn to move with stress instead of fighting against it
• The relationship between stress, resilience, and capacity
• Why healing isn’t about removing all stress from your life
• How challenge can become supportive when we learn to work with it differently

PODCAST INFO:
Podcast website: https://thedaoofhumaning.buzzsprout.com

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1869811351

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/79Llx5Um3cDSJqXG0JIsVL

RSS: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/2574021.rss

Support & Connect
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchristine.sanmiquel/

Produced by: Reese Leanne
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shot_by_reese/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Tao of Humaning, where we explore the physical, energetic, emotional, and spiritual aspects of what it means to be human together. I'm your host, Dr. Christine, and I'm so thrilled you've decided to join me for today's conversation. In today's episode, I want to talk about stress and how it is that stress can be a friend in our lives. Oftentimes, stress is presented or translated in our worlds as bad. Stress equals bad. And we as humans will do whatever we can to avoid this feeling ultimately of stress or this experience of being stressed, right? And what I talk with patients about a lot is, you know, what does that feel like in your body, right? So for a lot of us, that's going to be very different. Some people will feel stress in the digestive system. Some people will feel stress more in the chest and like heart palpitations and things like that. Sometimes people will get flushed. You know, there are these different physiological responses that we get. Those on their own aren't necessarily bad. Um, but we have this tendency to think about stress as something that we either need to avoid or we need to fix. And I would argue that stress is stress can be viewed as a tool. And, you know, it's one of those things that I always tell patients, I'm like, if I could remove stress from your life, I mean, I would just have a line down the block every single day, right? Um, I can't remove stress from a human's life, right? I can, we can shift how our body responds to stress. And a lot of that starts with how we orient towards that experience. So if we're immediately saying no and pushing it away, right, there's immediately going to be a tension and a constriction, right? And we've talked about this a lot in different episodes, but ultimately the energy, the qi in our body wants to flow. And so the more that we can work towards, consciously work towards being open and having a posture of huh, and a bit more wonder in our lives, the more easily the energy is able to move through us. And we're gonna talk more about this in a bit because it is a nuanced thing, right? Like not all of the stresses that we experience in life are pleasant or fun, right? That's not what I'm saying here. I am saying that when we are challenged in life, that is a wonderful opportunity to practice how we're showing up, how we're supporting ourselves, how we're reaching out for support from our communities or not, right? Like, how are we actually showing up in those moments when we feel really stressed? Does that make sense? Because stress is such a human experience, right? Even if it's not like hunter, you know, I think historically even stress was something that was always there. It was just different kinds of stressors, right? But they probably, I don't know, had a lot of parallels, actually, now that I'm saying it out loud. But parallels, you know, of being able to eat and being able to have a place to live and being able to be in relationships with other humans, right? Like those are all things that have stress sometimes built into them. Um but going back to, you know, in terms of like how we show up with it, it's like that idea that not all okay, hold on. I'm gonna rewind mentally here for a second. The, you know, sometimes we think of stress as bad, right? But stress is actually necessary if we are looking at this as activation, right? So a lot of times I'll talk about having this oscillation or this movement and flow between periods of restfulness and then activation, and then that peaks, right? And then we'll move back down towards rest, right? Stress will oftentimes highlight where it is that we tend to fall out of balance. That's really useful, especially if we're looking at refining our wellness practices, or we're looking at, you know, chain just changing different habits, growth mindset, like all of those things are going to be highlighted in those moments. And so I've talked about this before, right? You want to build these muscles ideally before you need them. Because if you're in a moment of intense stress, right, like you just lost your job, right, and you're worried about being able to provide for your family, you know, those kinds of things are really challenging to start implementing a new, you know, mindfulness strategy, right? You can do it. I've seen people do it and I've supported people doing it, and you know, it it's possible. And the people that I see having the most success with working with stress have almost um trained for it. Not almost, they really have trained for it. The ones that I see doing really well under times of stress have actually trained that muscle. I found that to be true for myself. I used to be much more affected by stress and emotional upsets and things like that. And now, you know, I still can feel upset or whatever around stress, but I'm much faster to come back to center and to be able to, you know, call in supports, to call in my own resourcefulness than I was, you know, 10 years ago, remarkably better at it, actually. So we have these growth periods, right? And even the conversations we've had here around puberty, perimenopause, right, postpartum, even pregnancy, all of these times in our life that are periods of big transformation and change, those are all considered stressors, right? So it's and they're also amazing at having the other, our next kind of evolution of ourselves show up at the other side of it, right? I think remembering part of it is remembering that stress can be beneficial. There's a couple of books that I really enjoy on this topic, actually, and I share about them whenever I talk about stress things. Um, one is by Kelly McGonagall, and I may mix them up because I didn't actually write them down. Um I believe they are related and they are the McGonagall. McGonagal is their last name. One is called The Upside of Stress, and the other one is called Super Better. Super Better? It's a yellow hardcover book. I can totally see it. Like it's sitting on my bookshelf right now. Um I can put those in the show notes for you if you want to reference them. Um, two really good books uh looking at how we frame stress and how we work with it. And that's something that I talk about a lot in clinic is being able to, you know, have these moments where we're slowing down and we're actually seeing and really feeling the sensations of stress. So I'll always ask people, where do you feel it in your body? Right, because that's going to be great information for us about where we want to support, right? And being able to have that tactile experience of it also is really grounding and helps to make things feel less overwhelming, actually. And being able to just have these conversations with people, I think is also really helpful in that you know, lessening of overwhelm because you've remember that you're not alone in feeling these stresses. Um I think remembering that, you know, there is something new that could be being forged, especially in the really bigger stressful moments. You know, who you are when you come out the other side of that, you know, quote unquote stressful time in your life can be pretty rad. And I think allowing that future version of ourselves to actually kind of pull us to or pull us through the stressors um can actually really help because we're remembering that there's something bigger, like there's a reason why these growing edges are happening, and being able to step into something new is so valuable. And I think what I see a lot in in my experience is that stress becomes less beneficial when we when it becomes stuck. So coming back to traditional Chinese medicine, right, we say that where there is stagnation, there is pain. Where there is pain, there is stagnation. And so everything really is based on this idea of flow and smooth movement of energy throughout the body. And so this happens too with stress when we think about, you know, if we think back now to a stressful time in our lives, and we think about how we showed up in that moment, and you can really see like where it is that you've that we felt stuck and where we felt flow. And this isn't to say, so I get asked this a lot because a lot of times people will hear these ideas of you know framing stress as possibly even useful, maybe even a friend from this crazy podcast I was listening to. Um, you know, people will hear that and then go through something stressful, and then sometimes it feels when it's messy that you're not doing it right. And I'm here to say that is not the case, right? It doesn't have to look a certain way. I don't know anyone who goes through big change and transformation and you know looks all zen and uh quiescent all of the time, right? It's like sometimes it's messy, and the messy is actually really great because that means that it's not stuck, right? It's almost harder when you see that lack of movement, right? Because sometimes the like tears, right, or the screaming and crying, whatever it is that's like needs to happen, like that feels messy, is what actually needs to happen to move the qi and move that stagnation. Because if it gets stuck and it doesn't allow to move either with us or through us, then that's when we start to get stagnations in you know, in various channels in the body or in different systems that can cause issues according to Chinese medicine down the line. Does that make sense? Comment below if that does not make sense. I'll talk more about this because it's super interesting to me. Um yeah, I think as humans, sometimes we really beat ourselves up for the messy stuff. And I think the more that people talk about real spiritual growth and real transformation and real like meeting life where it is, I just think it makes it more the mess more normal, which it is normal, right? Like, of course, on the other side, like we all want to have more harmony and more peace and more ease and more moments of like calm and zen. But going back to what I started to say earlier is like we also need the activation pieces, right? We need to be able to get up and run when the tiger is actually chasing us, right? We need to have that activation under threat. We want that, right? You don't want to just stand there and be like, I'll zen if you're being really chased by a tiger. The the nuance comes in learning and reminding your system when you're actually being chased by a tiger, right? We talked about that in the last episode about overwhelm and how a lot of times taking in information through the news or social media or something, our nervous systems often are perceiving more threat than what is actually in our current sphere of reality. And part of this is like, okay, being comfortable being able to be activated, right? And have those moments of more intensity and then under threat, and then also being able to have that activation aspect also when you feel safe. And that looks more like being motivated, being inspired, you know, moving forward with things. It's that like spring energy that we've talked about here before. That's healthy activation under safety. We need that, right? We need both. The same way that we need more of the parasympathetic under safety, right? Which is that rest and digest, right? We need that. And it's not wrong if you're feeling activated, right? I think part of it part of the piece that really gets sticky for people around stress is that they should on themselves. So this is your reminder. Do not should on yourself or others. Let people have their experience, let yourself have the experience. And it doesn't have to look a certain way, right? There's no awards for perfection. Perfection, I would argue, is not even a real thing. So I think being human involves having all aspects of being human. I talk to moms about this a lot, especially new moms. There's so much pressure to be able to be, you know, to get it all right. I don't even know what that means. That's why I like kind of laughing because I don't think that's real. But you see all of these curated feeds, you know, on social media and all of these, you know, people who seemingly have things together, right? That's like a ch that's what they've chosen to show you. And I yeah, I can just feel when I talk to a mom and remind her of her own humanness and remind her of the value of that humanness, sharing that humanness with her children. I can you can just feel the tension like start to melt away, right? Like, oh, and people will say this a lot of like, oh, you make things like that are really hard in life feel so normal. And I I've had several different people say that to me. I'm like, well, because they are normal. Like we're I don't know any humans that are just like glossing through life, you know, for 75 years, 80 years without having these ups and downs. Like we're this is we're meant to come here and have our ups and downs and have our mess and have our joys and have our hearts burst wide open, you know? It's all part of this human experience. And I think the more that we can talk about these things, the just more we'll remember, like together that we are here and it's messy and sometimes stressful, and sometimes joyful, and sometimes sad, and sometimes hard, and sometimes easy. Like it's all okay. It's okay to have all of those things. And having this awareness, like for me, the lens of Chinese medicine really makes so much sense. I love the nature base of it, I love the fluidity and the dynamics, like uh everything that I have learned in the past 30 years in my soul makes so much sense. And so I love being able to have this space to share this. So thank you for all of you listening because it really means a lot. And it's also okay if Chinese medicine is not your lens. Like you might hear me talking about this now and be like, oh, that's super interesting. And you might, you know, go down a rabbit hole and you might take a right turn and like go end up somewhere completely different, like fantastic.

unknown 18:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

I had a teacher for a long time that would talk about you know, human design. A big part of it is exploring and discovering and learning and growing and creating. And those were, you know, the basis of our design as a human being. And yes, there is an element of allowing for flow in, and I will put that that caveat to it of like allowing for flow in as much capacity as you can in that moment, right? I had a dear friend who was so wise, she was a longtime Buddhist practitioner, and you know, she was going through doing a lot of this inner work and really committed to growing, and she would be going through a time of transformation, and she would share about it because we were in that kind of a a community and friendship, and that was lovely. And she shared this practice with me, so I'm gonna share it with you before we sign out for today. Um, she would check in with herself and she would say, you know, are you doing okay right now? And then she would pause and she would give her system a minute to respond, and she'd be like, Sometimes the answer is no. And that was kind of it. There wasn't a lot of story that needed to go along with it. There wasn't a lot of like, oh, what does that say about me? You know, I'm such a terrible practitioner, like, look at me, having a hard time. Like, no. She wasn't shitting on herself, right? She was simply asking how she was doing and then listening to what the answer was. And then she could do further inquiries and say, like, hey, you know, what's needed, right? Like, do I need to call a friend? Do I need to take a nap? Do I need to go work? Do I need to play? Whatever the things are, right? But she started with that question of, are you okay? And then I was talking to her about it, and she said it's such a fun practice for her because she's noticed over the years that a lot of times if she'll ask that question, and if the answer is no, a lot of times as humans, there's a tendency to want to like make that the day. And I don't know how else to express that. But it's like, you know, you're you have a challenging interaction with someone, right? Out on the freeway or something, right? Like you have someone cut you off. I don't know, whatever it is, there's like a stressor. A lot of times humans will like make that their personality for the rest of the day. Like, oh, this guy, like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. That's a lot of time. You had this, you know, 30-second, five-minute, 10-minute interaction, and then the whole rest of your day is ruined because of that. How come? Right? So she had this practice of checking in with herself, and then she realized that if she would then check in with herself again later that same day, a couple hours later, she would be like, a couple hours later, it might be different. I was like, Oh, that's so smart. Like, you keep asking, right? That's the part is to keep asking, like, what's next? What's needed? Like, how can I use this? And just check in. And learning to have that grace for ourselves is such a great practice. Gosh, I really I work with moms a lot on this piece of like having grace for themselves. A lot of, you know, moms are doing a lot of this inner work right now. If you were listening in one of them, like kudos, keep going. Um, but doing this kind of work and raising small humans is really No joke. Like it is it is intense and it is constant. I would argue motherhood is is one of the greatest spiritual training grounds because it is constant. And you are being asked to show up for other humans while you know you are healing things from your past. You know, you might want to go curl up in a ball and like take a day and read and nap or whatever and cry. Like but it's not really an option a lot of times, you know. So anyway, um that is a really fun practice, thinking, you know, checking in with ourselves. And if the answer is not the answer that we wanted, like ask again later in like half an hour, set a timer, check in with ourselves, let's check in with our loved ones. We could do this together, my friends. I love, love, love um being able to share some of these thoughts and ideas with you all. And it's so fun to see like the subscribes and the little things come in, the little data. Such like a a baby podcast, like a I'm like a newborn podcast. So any likes and subscribes and comments, so appreciated. I see them all, and I'm so grateful. And it really helps get my work out to new people. And that's really such a gift. So thank you for that. If you haven't subscribed or anything, go ahead and do that now, and then you'll get notified when our next episode drops. Have a great week, guys.